Chapter 1: Jabrias' Genesis

What it is, good people of Jabrias' America... welcome to most profoundest blog this side of the Miss'ippi. Enjoy responsibly.

What does One write when One has so much to say? Does One want One's reservoir of knowledge and wisdom readily available to One's masses? One thinks so... doesn't One?

Where to start?

I will begin with beginnings.

It was a cool summer evening, July 4th, 1980 in the small town of Paradise, Ca. My mother, Georgina Thunderlord, had just returned home from a strenuous evening of hard drinking and pool hustling which was no cake walk considering she was nine months pregnant with the greatest thing to ever happen to her: Me. Just before she was about to take her final swig of sour mash whiskey to put her to bed... destiny came knocking... or kicking... at her cervix.

Two and a half days of labor that would make a Chinese sweat shop worker blush bore the sweet fruit of my existence. Though hard to believe, I was on two feet, walking... right out of her. There are several articles about the event on microfilm at the Paradise Hall of Bait and Records.

From then on my childhood was the stuff of legend. By age two, I could catch a trout in the local creek with my bare hands. By age five, I had three Paradise Motor-Cross Invitational titles under my belt and had grown bored of the sport and retired.

The details of my life from age six through age twenty-five are inconsequential and far too complicated to tackle in such a public forum. You will have to be satisfied with the following tidbit. I lost my virginity to a thirty year old traveling lady of the night at age seven... she died from heart failure following a seventeen hour orgasm.. I'll always love you, Francine... wherever you are.